Tuesday, July 31, 2007

First impressions probably count

His CV was impeccable, his references were excellent, his shoes were polished to perfection but for him, there would be no second interview.

Monday, July 30, 2007

Celebrities and their feeble excuses

I wouldn't know, officer. There were so many people at the club and it was really dark, so I couldn't see who sewed their stash of cocaine into my pants.

Friday, July 27, 2007

So your modelling hopes didn't work out

Don't despair, you can still preserve your dignity at public events with the right combination of gold lamé and mesh.

Thursday, July 26, 2007

Pardon me little one, are you breakfast or lunch?

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

No coupling on the dance floor please

Hey Tom, check out my sexy womanly curves. Doesn't it make you want to try for another baby?

Not now Katie. Can't you see I'm in the middle of showing the Beckhams how to bust into a funky purification rundown?

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

The top flips down for easy access

Monday, July 23, 2007

From Madame Tussaud's to Miss Hong Kong

Right: I can't believe my tiara is rejecting me. Is it confused by my slightly masculine features?

Left: I can't believe I lost to a wax mannequin. Time to arrange a little accident with some lighter fluid and matches.

Friday, July 20, 2007

You think the situation in Afghanistan is bad?

You try making movies that nobody watches so that you can keep up with alimony. And coping with the constant pressure to be everybody's favourite philandering bastard. Look at what it's done to this hairline. Now that's what I call a real crisis.

Thursday, July 19, 2007

Small consolation

I may not be as well-paid as Forbes' richest supermodel Gisele Bundchen, but I'll have you know that I do get to keep some of the clothes I model.

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

We're just wild about Harry

Ooh here he comes! OK get ready the Golden Snitch for the boy wizard to sign, and make sure he puts a powerful spell on it too - it will be worth more on Ebay that way! And Hermione-chan, quit looking like you're about to drag him off to the nearest broom cupboard. I don't know where you've been getting those lame spoilers from, but I'm pretty sure Harry doesn't get snogged to death by you. If anything, he probably dies of embarrassment after visiting our world and discovering all the inappropriate lust for him.

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

It happens sooner or later

Hey Kirsten, do I look kind of saggy to you?

Duh Jack, it's called gravity. It's supposed to have hit most people by the time they're 70, or in some instances, in the prime of their youth.

Monday, July 16, 2007

Trawling the red carpet for a one-night stand

Friday, July 13, 2007

Entrapment by design

"Ha-ha!", laughed Tara in triumph at her wayward breasts. "Let's see you try and escape now from this hellish prison of stripes!"

Thursday, July 12, 2007

I can do pink but perky's gonna cost extra

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

I hope my date goes well tonight

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

You will make the cutest little airbag ever!

Monday, July 09, 2007

The benefits of being a top model

The designers love me so much, I'm practically up to my neck in clothes!

Friday, July 06, 2007

Couple's quest to visit Knut has a happy ending

Thursday, July 05, 2007

Come on down to our pedicure party

But remember to bring your own cotton balls!

Wednesday, July 04, 2007

Bursting with patriotism for her new homeland

Tuesday, July 03, 2007

Keeping it in the family

There was nothing in his wardrobe that hadn't been lovingly knitted or sewn by an elderly female relative.

Monday, July 02, 2007