I just came from filming a nursery rhyme

Sharon Stone as you've seen her millions of times before

Tom Cruise's next movie project

Honey I Shrunk Someone Who Claims to be the Father of My Child

Sit still and let Mommy petrify you

Mind like a sieve, body like a steel trap

Now there's a thought...

If the genocide doesn't stop, it's going to make filming Oceans 14 in Darfur a little difficult.

Just throwing it out there

Say, if you need somebody suave for the next Mission Impossible movie, you know where to look.

Forget about sexy, I'm bringing haggard back

Hey Tom, come and check out my beard!

This wrapping paper is still good for another year

Mirror mirror on the wall...

Who is the craziest freakiest maddest hasbeen of them all?

At least mine is just a wig

No way! Get out of here with that crazy talk!

Did you hear the rumour about Ben Affleck becoming a viable actor again?

Don't make me laugh so hard!

Did you hear the one about me becoming a viable actor again?

Baby let me suck the makeup right off your face

Later on he would wonder why: (a) his mouth was shaped like the jolly maw of a giant purple resident of McDonaldland and (b) his lips had lost all feeling.

Sequins on the house for everyone!

Just on my way to a slumber party

Bask in the radiance of my all-healing cleavage, little boy!

I need a silvery spacesuit in about this size

Heathers v Mean Girls

Hey did you know that Means Girls is often regarded as a watered down version of Heathers?

Oh my god just because I'm resting on your shoulder doesn't mean that you can talk to me like I'm some kind of normal person.

Fergie takes a business meeting on the red carpet

Acting out the ultimate male fantasy