Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Gay? I have no idea what you're talking about

Tuesday, November 29, 2005

Stretched for time

Sorry can't talk. We're due to be sucked back up into our mothership any time now.

Monday, November 28, 2005

Do you like this dress?

I folded it myself.

Sunday, November 27, 2005

The importance of hairnets

I must prevent my hair from contaminating this raw uncooked baby.

Saturday, November 26, 2005

Strange men in the neighbourhood

Who the fuck was that?
I don't know but he had a strange look about him. Like he wanted to throw me down, convert me to his religion and impregnate me without actually having physical sex.

Friday, November 25, 2005

We're having twins!

I can see the babies' heads! They're crowning!

Thursday, November 24, 2005

The case for cloning

Because what the world needs right now is another Gwyneth Paltrow.

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

Alternative careers

Interesting trivia: After they retire, most Playboy models often find employment as substitute teachers.

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

The look a wild boor gets right before he attacks

Anyone who throws the book at me is going to get it thrown right back in their face.

Monday, November 21, 2005

They're laughing at us, not with us

Sunday, November 20, 2005

The plight of Chinese orphans

This poor child was born with the sunken-eyed cadaver of a Californian governor's wife attached to her.

Saturday, November 19, 2005

In need of some downtime

After the show Madonna would plug her arms into a transformer to recharge.

Friday, November 18, 2005

A marriage of equals

Today it was Catherine's turn to look decrepit.

Thursday, November 17, 2005

Casting decision

At a recent interview Kirsten Dunst inadvertently revealed that her teeth had been cast as the main villain of "Spiderman 3".

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

Let's do a little role-playing

I'll be a wealthy investment banker, one of you can be my trophy wife and the other can be my mistress.

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

I will beat a brunette's ass

Monday, November 14, 2005

That should quell the naysayers

Sunday, November 13, 2005

The prenatal vitamins did not agree with either of them

Estee Lauder Pleasures

As elegant as holding a bottle of beer

Decisions decisions

It'll cost more, but I'll take the one who hasn't been vomited on.

Saturday, November 12, 2005

All kinds of tricks

When it wasn't resting on her head, Jennifer's pet dog would amuse itself by jumping through her giant hoops.

A is for annoying

Friday, November 11, 2005

Yes sir yes sir three bags full

One for the mistress, one for the dame, and one for the little slut who lives down the lane.

Thursday, November 10, 2005

A hint of secrecy

While Jennifer Love Hewitt's breasts demanded privacy, her stomach was quite content to leave the drapes half drawn.

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

It's in his kiss

They could only kiss for a few seconds at a time before her lips started to shrivel up and die.

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

Hey! Look over there!

Whenever she appeared on talk shows, Jennifer found herself constantly having to divert attention from the fact that her left arm was aging faster than the rest of her body.

Monday, November 07, 2005


It was difficult for Catherine to maintain her on-the-job credibility when her jeans kept making her thighs look like well-rounded tree trunks.

Power hungry

I really really really want to be First Lady. Can you see it in my eyes?

Stones and glasshouses

It was a bit late in his life for the Prince of Wales to start being picky about women.

Love will find a way

There's noone I'd rather get drunk and have meaningless sex with.

Sunday, November 06, 2005

Carbs found her

After her retirement from the Victoria's Secret catwalk, it became evident that Tyra really let herself go.

Saturday, November 05, 2005

Bitch, don't stop me, I'm nice.

Thursday, November 03, 2005


Hermione Granger wasn't like all the rest of the prissy pink princessy little girls. She was smart....tomboyish..mature...and completely clueless when it came to dressing herself.

Ahead of the curve

I was wearing fat suits long before you had your own tv show Tyra!

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

American Pie 4: Return to Oz

No matter what he did or how far abroad he travelled, he would forever be known as the guy who f**ked a pie.

Wonder Duff-man!

The magical Louis Vuitton scarf and indestructible jaw are used to deflect bullets.

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

Make your mistakes at the start of your career

Fortunately for Catherine Zeta-Jones, her worst fears had materialised way before the magazines gave a damn.

Wahlberg the Elder

The Scientology Shuffle

Step step shuffle turn rock forward rock back hold & clap