Monday, April 30, 2007

No loose ends please

As a shrewd businesswoman, I need to have everything sewn up tight before agreeing to your proposal.

Friday, April 27, 2007

It can strike suddenly, at anytime and anywhere

Oh no, I'm having an attack of sudden modesty! I could really use an extra pair of hands right now.

Thursday, April 26, 2007

The subtle language of flowers

For you Sir, may we recommend one of these exquisite arrangements to send to your lady friend? They are a popular choice for young gentlemen like yourself and traditionally mean "It's ok, I don't expect you to put out on our first date."

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Can you help put me back into my music box?

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

I hate standing up in front of everybody and looking so unprepared

Next time I must remember to put together some PowerPoint slides beforehand.

Monday, April 23, 2007

Maybe I should have hired two-time Oscar winner Hilary Swank instead

Put some feeling into it Halle, my plan to make Ethel jealous will never work if she doesn't believe we're a real couple.

Friday, April 20, 2007

Honey could you come into the bedroom for a minute?

I want to see if hanging the diamonds you bought for me right in front of my eyes will make me find you sexier.

Thursday, April 19, 2007

Keep those sweat stains away

No more embarrassing red carpet moments for me, now that I have these nifty armpit dividers!

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Power dressing for superheroes stuck in mid-level positions

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

Guards, get that mangy germ-ridden bag out of my sight!

I could say the same thing about you.

Monday, April 16, 2007

Climate change means we can wear bikinis all the time!

Wave harder girls, I heard that wave energy is going to be the most popular source of clean energy in the future. Being popular is important!

Saturday, April 14, 2007

This thing feels like an oven..oh wait it probably is

Thursday, April 12, 2007

There are no age limits in competitive arm wrestling

Damn, bested again by Nancy's iron grip! What a waste of time and money that Bicep Boot Camp was.

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

I didn't get back to the chateau until noon today

Milord, that was one hell of a bachelor party you threw last night.

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Don't worry we'll get them enlarged at the lab

But first let's get this shot while the light is still good and your boobs are still perky.

Wednesday, April 04, 2007

Clothes I don't air out as often I should

Next update: Tuesday April 10

Tuesday, April 03, 2007

Weekend at Heffie's

You can have the blonde when you pry it from my cold dead hands.

Monday, April 02, 2007

I should have asked some questions first

But when they asked me if I wanted to be in a James Bond movie, of course I jumped at the chance.