This is what becomes of all the impulse buying

I never let my closetful of cute clothes stop me from having an "I've got nothing to wear!" moment!

I'm a gonna punch your face in until it's full of glitter

We found her skills were totally transferable

Sometimes our modelling agency picks up girls who have run away from the circus. It helps that they have worked with clowns and wild beasts before.

The paparazzi were foiled once more

There's no way I will ever let you snap a photo of my gleaming red eyes and cloven feet!

I'm thinking of taking up children's ballet again

She had performed dismally in ballet classes as a child, but after many many years she finally felt confident enough to put on her old costume and give it another go.

Help, this dress seems to be creeping up on me

Pretty soon, my breasts will be completely covered!

Tiny dancer in my hand

Fifi hadn't planned to buy any new clothes during his Bali getaway, but somebody had made off with his scruffy backpacker clothes and this was the only thing he could find in his size at the resort's gift shop.

The United Nations sent me

Now release those refugees or I'll pump you full of candy bullets, take you home and set my kids loose on their new human pinata.

The bare essentials

Are you sure I don't need some jewellery? This looks a bit plain to me.

Next update: 20 August 2007

Not such a great bargain at all

After that night at the bar, she pledged never to shop at factory seconds sales ever again.

But mum, all the cool kids are wearing 'em!

Hey Nicole, can I hang out with you and wear maternity clothes too?

Britney sends her apologies

She's taking a break from being a bad parent, so I'll be your drunken slurring mess for tonight.

Putting off the inevitable

It had only been intended as a temporary measure, but she didn't want to think about what would happen once she had used up all her orange Post-it notes.

I get invited to these things all the time

But there never seems to be anyone available to take a photo with me.

As it turned out, the bridesmaids' outfits were the least of her worries.

Well nobody told me it was not ok to outshine the bride.

I could have dahnced all night

Nothing like a stylish evening out to put the colour back in your legs!

My dress is so drunk it can barely stay up

Left: Damn these designer frocks and their inability to hold their liquor!

Right: I know what you mean - mine just threw up all over itself.

This Chavez guy is maybe a little bit crazy

I mean, he flew me all the way to Venezuela so he could hear me say "Aloha Mr Hand" in person.

Just one more thing for the dolphins to laugh at

Shopping can really take it out of you

What a nightmare it was! I was lucky to escape with my sanity and hair intact, as well as a bunch of glittery string bikinis I got for 50% off!