Gay? I have no idea what you're talking about

Stretched for time

Sorry can't talk. We're due to be sucked back up into our mothership any time now.

Do you like this dress?

I folded it myself.

The importance of hairnets

I must prevent my hair from contaminating this raw uncooked baby.

Strange men in the neighbourhood

Who the fuck was that?
I don't know but he had a strange look about him. Like he wanted to throw me down, convert me to his religion and impregnate me without actually having physical sex.

We're having twins!

I can see the babies' heads! They're crowning!

The case for cloning

Because what the world needs right now is another Gwyneth Paltrow.

Alternative careers

Interesting trivia: After they retire, most Playboy models often find employment as substitute teachers.

The look a wild boor gets right before he attacks

Anyone who throws the book at me is going to get it thrown right back in their face.

They're laughing at us, not with us

The plight of Chinese orphans

This poor child was born with the sunken-eyed cadaver of a Californian governor's wife attached to her.

In need of some downtime

After the show Madonna would plug her arms into a transformer to recharge.

A marriage of equals

Today it was Catherine's turn to look decrepit.

Casting decision

At a recent interview Kirsten Dunst inadvertently revealed that her teeth had been cast as the main villain of "Spiderman 3".

Let's do a little role-playing

I'll be a wealthy investment banker, one of you can be my trophy wife and the other can be my mistress.

I will beat a brunette's ass

That should quell the naysayers

The prenatal vitamins did not agree with either of them

Estee Lauder Pleasures

As elegant as holding a bottle of beer

Decisions decisions

It'll cost more, but I'll take the one who hasn't been vomited on.

All kinds of tricks

When it wasn't resting on her head, Jennifer's pet dog would amuse itself by jumping through her giant hoops.

A is for annoying

Yes sir yes sir three bags full

One for the mistress, one for the dame, and one for the little slut who lives down the lane.

A hint of secrecy

While Jennifer Love Hewitt's breasts demanded privacy, her stomach was quite content to leave the drapes half drawn.

It's in his kiss

They could only kiss for a few seconds at a time before her lips started to shrivel up and die.

Hey! Look over there!

Whenever she appeared on talk shows, Jennifer found herself constantly having to divert attention from the fact that her left arm was aging faster than the rest of her body.

Lumberjag

It was difficult for Catherine to maintain her on-the-job credibility when her jeans kept making her thighs look like well-rounded tree trunks.

Power hungry

I really really really want to be First Lady. Can you see it in my eyes?

Stones and glasshouses

It was a bit late in his life for the Prince of Wales to start being picky about women.

Love will find a way

There's noone I'd rather get drunk and have meaningless sex with.

Carbs found her

After her retirement from the Victoria's Secret catwalk, it became evident that Tyra really let herself go.

Bitch, don't stop me, I'm nice.

Overconfident

Hermione Granger wasn't like all the rest of the prissy pink princessy little girls. She was smart....tomboyish..mature...and completely clueless when it came to dressing herself.

Ahead of the curve

I was wearing fat suits long before you had your own tv show Tyra!

American Pie 4: Return to Oz

No matter what he did or how far abroad he travelled, he would forever be known as the guy who f**ked a pie.

Wonder Duff-man!

The magical Louis Vuitton scarf and indestructible jaw are used to deflect bullets.

Make your mistakes at the start of your career

Fortunately for Catherine Zeta-Jones, her worst fears had materialised way before the magazines gave a damn.

Wahlberg the Elder

The Scientology Shuffle

Step step shuffle turn rock forward rock back hold & clap