If it's on teh interweb it must be true

Keep a tight grip and follow me this way

2007-09-04T22:41:00.000-07:00

Come, come closer to the screen so that I can grab you in a friendly chokehold. It's been so much fun doing this kind of blog that I've agreed to do pretty much the same thing at Ayyyy!, The Manolo's latest blog. It's categorised as a celebrity blog but never you fear, there will also be opportunities for runway roadkill, little dogs and other strange things that I may want to foist upon you.

But because I have a day job which I can't quit because I'm so tremendously good at..racking at debts, for now this blog will be on hiatus. I will continue to monitor all developments and keep you informed if the situation changes. In the meantime, see you round the corner at Ayyyy!

You're all going to stay here until I find out who did it

2007-09-03T22:34:00.000-07:00

She promised not to get angry but still nobody would make eye contact with her, let alone own up to tampering with her outfit.

This is what becomes of all the impulse buying

2007-08-30T23:38:00.000-07:00

I never let my closetful of cute clothes stop me from having an "I've got nothing to wear!" moment!

I'm a gonna punch your face in until it's full of glitter

2007-08-29T23:18:00.000-07:00

We found her skills were totally transferable

2007-08-28T22:16:00.000-07:00

Sometimes our modelling agency picks up girls who have run away from the circus. It helps that they have worked with clowns and wild beasts before.

The paparazzi were foiled once more

2007-08-27T22:05:00.000-07:00

There's no way I will ever let you snap a photo of my gleaming red eyes and cloven feet!

I'm thinking of taking up children's ballet again

2007-08-24T22:34:00.000-07:00

She had performed dismally in ballet classes as a child, but after many many years she finally felt confident enough to put on her old costume and give it another go.

Help, this dress seems to be creeping up on me

2007-08-23T21:59:00.000-07:00

Pretty soon, my breasts will be completely covered!

Tiny dancer in my hand

2007-08-21T22:46:00.000-07:00

Fifi hadn't planned to buy any new clothes during his Bali getaway, but somebody had made off with his scruffy backpacker clothes and this was the only thing he could find in his size at the resort's gift shop.

The United Nations sent me

2007-08-20T22:42:00.000-07:00

Now release those refugees or I'll pump you full of candy bullets, take you home and set my kids loose on their new human pinata.

The bare essentials

2007-08-16T22:44:00.000-07:00

Are you sure I don't need some jewellery? This looks a bit plain to me.

Next update: 20 August 2007

Not such a great bargain at all

2007-08-15T22:56:00.000-07:00

After that night at the bar, she pledged never to shop at factory seconds sales ever again.

But mum, all the cool kids are wearing 'em!

2007-08-14T22:58:00.000-07:00

Hey Nicole, can I hang out with you and wear maternity clothes too?

Britney sends her apologies

2007-08-13T22:07:00.000-07:00

She's taking a break from being a bad parent, so I'll be your drunken slurring mess for tonight.

Putting off the inevitable

2007-08-10T23:14:00.000-07:00

It had only been intended as a temporary measure, but she didn't want to think about what would happen once she had used up all her orange Post-it notes.

I get invited to these things all the time

2007-08-09T22:57:00.000-07:00

But there never seems to be anyone available to take a photo with me.

As it turned out, the bridesmaids' outfits were the least of her worries.

2007-08-08T23:28:00.000-07:00

Well nobody told me it was not ok to outshine the bride.

I could have dahnced all night

2007-08-07T22:20:00.000-07:00

Nothing like a stylish evening out to put the colour back in your legs!

My dress is so drunk it can barely stay up

2007-08-06T23:14:00.000-07:00

Left: Damn these designer frocks and their inability to hold their liquor!

Right: I know what you mean - mine just threw up all over itself.

This Chavez guy is maybe a little bit crazy

2007-08-03T23:30:00.000-07:00

I mean, he flew me all the way to Venezuela so he could hear me say "Aloha Mr Hand" in person.

Just one more thing for the dolphins to laugh at

2007-08-02T22:01:00.000-07:00

Shopping can really take it out of you

2007-08-01T07:31:00.000-07:00

What a nightmare it was! I was lucky to escape with my sanity and hair intact, as well as a bunch of glittery string bikinis I got for 50% off!

First impressions probably count

2007-07-31T22:32:00.000-07:00

His CV was impeccable, his references were excellent, his shoes were polished to perfection but for him, there would be no second interview.

Celebrities and their feeble excuses

2007-07-30T22:45:00.000-07:00

I wouldn't know, officer. There were so many people at the club and it was really dark, so I couldn't see who sewed their stash of cocaine into my pants.

So your modelling hopes didn't work out

2007-07-27T23:30:00.000-07:00

Don't despair, you can still preserve your dignity at public events with the right combination of gold lamé and mesh.

Pardon me little one, are you breakfast or lunch?

2007-07-26T22:03:00.000-07:00

No coupling on the dance floor please

2007-07-25T21:33:00.000-07:00

Hey Tom, check out my sexy womanly curves. Doesn't it make you want to try for another baby?

Not now Katie. Can't you see I'm in the middle of showing the Beckhams how to bust into a funky purification rundown?

The top flips down for easy access

2007-07-24T22:20:00.000-07:00

From Madame Tussaud's to Miss Hong Kong

2007-07-23T22:59:00.000-07:00

Right: I can't believe my tiara is rejecting me. Is it confused by my slightly masculine features?

Left: I can't believe I lost to a wax mannequin. Time to arrange a little accident with some lighter fluid and matches.

You think the situation in Afghanistan is bad?

2007-07-20T22:26:00.000-07:00

You try making movies that nobody watches so that you can keep up with alimony. And coping with the constant pressure to be everybody's favourite philandering bastard. Look at what it's done to this hairline. Now that's what I call a real crisis.

Small consolation

2007-07-19T22:17:00.000-07:00

I may not be as well-paid as Forbes' richest supermodel Gisele Bundchen, but I'll have you know that I do get to keep some of the clothes I model.

We're just wild about Harry

2007-07-18T22:41:00.000-07:00

Ooh here he comes! OK get ready the Golden Snitch for the boy wizard to sign, and make sure he puts a powerful spell on it too - it will be worth more on Ebay that way! And Hermione-chan, quit looking like you're about to drag him off to the nearest broom cupboard. I don't know where you've been getting those lame spoilers from, but I'm pretty sure Harry doesn't get snogged to death by you. If anything, he probably dies of embarrassment after visiting our world and discovering all the inappropriate lust for him.

It happens sooner or later

2007-07-17T23:14:00.000-07:00

Hey Kirsten, do I look kind of saggy to you?

Duh Jack, it's called gravity. It's supposed to have hit most people by the time they're 70, or in some instances, in the prime of their youth.

Trawling the red carpet for a one-night stand

2007-07-16T23:03:00.000-07:00

Entrapment by design

2007-07-13T23:15:00.000-07:00

"Ha-ha!", laughed Tara in triumph at her wayward breasts. "Let's see you try and escape now from this hellish prison of stripes!"

I can do pink but perky's gonna cost extra

2007-07-12T22:27:00.000-07:00

I hope my date goes well tonight

2007-07-11T23:13:00.000-07:00

You will make the cutest little airbag ever!

2007-07-10T22:15:00.000-07:00

The benefits of being a top model

2007-07-09T22:30:00.000-07:00

The designers love me so much, I'm practically up to my neck in clothes!

Couple's quest to visit Knut has a happy ending

2007-07-06T23:08:00.000-07:00

Come on down to our pedicure party

2007-07-05T21:53:00.000-07:00

But remember to bring your own cotton balls!

Bursting with patriotism for her new homeland

2007-07-04T22:20:00.000-07:00

Keeping it in the family

2007-07-03T22:54:00.000-07:00

There was nothing in his wardrobe that hadn't been lovingly knitted or sewn by an elderly female relative.

LolPanda

2007-07-02T22:14:00.000-07:00

Can you hurry up with the body paint please?

2007-06-29T22:44:00.000-07:00

I have a safari theme party to attend!

She's trying to steal my spot on the D-list!

2007-06-28T22:45:00.000-07:00

There was much confusion when it appeared that somebody had double booked court jesters for the same party.

Y-fronts are more comfortable

2007-06-27T22:58:00.000-07:00

Summer is the social season for flightless birds

2007-06-16T17:14:00.000-07:00

Next update: Thursday 28 June

I love my new haircut

2007-06-14T23:29:00.000-07:00

The bangs are deliberately cut so that I can't see Tom and his silly little three piece suits.

Every office should have one

2007-06-13T22:05:00.000-07:00

As an intern, it was my job to step in whenever the air conditioning broke down.

Well it worked for Cinderella...

2007-06-12T22:28:00.000-07:00

After the wand broke, spilling sparkly dust and making a mess everywhere, they had to rely on glue instead of magic to hold various bits of the dress together.

No amount of dieting will help

2007-06-11T21:39:00.000-07:00

I'm just going to have to send this dress in for liposuction.

It's just not worth the risk

2007-06-08T22:52:00.000-07:00

You Drink & Dress. You Lose.

Don't blame the architect, they just designed it

2007-06-07T22:37:00.000-07:00

OK which wise guy thought it was a good idea to leave the structural support exposed?

As usual I was the one left holding the bag of drugs

2007-06-06T21:29:00.000-07:00

But I didn't mind so much, because at least I knew where they were and could get to them first.

Holy guacamole! To the bat jacuzzi Robin!

2007-06-05T22:59:00.000-07:00

Guinea Pax

2007-06-04T22:43:00.000-07:00

Maddox always insisted on getting someone expendable to test how dangerous his animal fans were, before he condescended to greeting them and signing autographs.

28 weeks later...

2007-06-01T23:04:00.000-07:00

the flesh-eating zombies still hadn't figured out how to match fashion colours to their skin tone.

First day on the job

2007-05-31T23:21:00.000-07:00

I hope I blend in with my new colleagues. I was told that they like to keep things fairly neutral around here.

Passing the torch

2007-05-30T22:58:00.000-07:00

Am I supposed to put this tiara on her head? But she's spent so much time on her hair, I don't want to be the one ruining it. I know, maybe I'll just drop it in front of her and yell "Here, catch!". She reacted quite fast with the whole screaming-hands to the face-uncontrollable tears thing when her name was called out so she must have good reflexes.

Yay he didn't pick me!

2007-05-30T22:05:00.000-07:00

When the bidding was over, Miss Japan was ecstatic to find out that she wouldn't have to go on a date with that weird guy and his crappy flowers. Meanwhile Miss Brazil sighed and heaved her exquisite bosom, lamenting the inability of men to find her physically repulsive.

That's the last time I let Lindsay drive me home

2007-05-29T22:24:00.000-07:00

Among other things that were found by police in the wrecked Mercedes SL65 convertible, was a tiger cub with suspiciously dilated pupils.

Most embarrassing camp moment

2007-05-28T21:58:00.000-07:00

That one time I went into the bushes to powder my nose and came out with my sleeping bag tucked into my underwear. Thank goodness there was no toilet paper around to get stuck to my shoes!

Can you spare me some change, mister?

2007-05-26T21:56:00.000-07:00

I need to buy myself some new clothes and a decent stylist.

On the hunt for a killer gown

2007-05-24T23:19:00.000-07:00

We were on the third day of our safari with not a single souvenir to bring home then I saw a cheetah that was just about my size....

A show of hands please

2007-05-23T22:15:00.000-07:00

OK now, raise your hand if you think your costume is a total and utter embarrassment, and people who don't know better keep mistaking you for a nationalistic French prostitute.

Instantly identifiable

2007-05-22T21:37:00.000-07:00

It seemed only fitting to recognise America's two most popular icons - Elvis and the sideboob.

To think, we turned down a gig at Sea World for this

2007-05-21T23:19:00.000-07:00

Although Miss Dominican Republic was a crowd favourite, there were dark mutterings among the other finalists about her irreverent, almost flippant approach to the national costume round.

Tomorrow we fight for victory to bring honour to our ancestors

2007-05-18T23:27:00.000-07:00

But tonight let's go club hopping and put these funky spangly codpiece thingys to good use!

Can't stop and chat, I better get home to my boys

2007-05-17T22:55:00.000-07:00

The thing is, I don't want to leave them with the babysitter for too long. She gives off such a trashy, skanky vibe.

Not all the contestants made it past this round

2007-05-11T22:32:00.000-07:00

Fortunately for Miss Argentina, they decided not to use the jet engine as a substitute wind machine.

Unfortunately for Miss Costa Rica, they did.

Next update: Thursday May 17

I could use a little fabric up here please

2007-05-09T22:40:00.000-07:00

Easier than riding a bike

2007-05-08T22:59:00.000-07:00

Once I figured out the centre of gravity, I quickly learnt to steer this dress without falling down.

A perfect disguise

2007-05-07T23:17:00.000-07:00

Nobody will recognise me with my bra on.

The Old Man and the Sea

2007-05-04T23:03:00.000-07:00

He was an old man who fished unalone in a skiff in the Gulf stream and he had gone 84 days now without taking a fish because each time he thought he'd caught something, he'd reel it in to find it was only an old boot, a toupee, maybe a Hudson Hawk DVD, then sure enough his goddamn ex-wife's annoying husband would jump up and start screaming "You've been Punk'd!".

Whoa, would you get a load of those puppies!

2007-05-03T22:56:00.000-07:00

Life after Victoria's Secret

2007-05-02T22:46:00.000-07:00

At last, I am free to channel male fantasies through modelling drab sacklike clothing!

It's Oh So Loud

2007-05-01T23:05:00.000-07:00

Try as they could, none of the paintballers could get rid of the bizarre wailing sound that plagued their precious tournament.

No loose ends please

2007-04-30T23:03:00.000-07:00

As a shrewd businesswoman, I need to have everything sewn up tight before agreeing to your proposal.

It can strike suddenly, at anytime and anywhere

2007-04-27T22:30:00.000-07:00

Oh no, I'm having an attack of sudden modesty! I could really use an extra pair of hands right now.

The subtle language of flowers

2007-04-26T22:45:00.000-07:00

For you Sir, may we recommend one of these exquisite arrangements to send to your lady friend? They are a popular choice for young gentlemen like yourself and traditionally mean "It's ok, I don't expect you to put out on our first date."

Can you help put me back into my music box?

2007-04-25T22:16:00.000-07:00

I hate standing up in front of everybody and looking so unprepared

2007-04-24T22:26:00.000-07:00

Next time I must remember to put together some PowerPoint slides beforehand.

Maybe I should have hired two-time Oscar winner Hilary Swank instead

2007-04-23T22:28:00.000-07:00

Put some feeling into it Halle, my plan to make Ethel jealous will never work if she doesn't believe we're a real couple.

Honey could you come into the bedroom for a minute?

2007-04-20T22:41:00.000-07:00

I want to see if hanging the diamonds you bought for me right in front of my eyes will make me find you sexier.

Keep those sweat stains away

2007-04-19T23:05:00.000-07:00

No more embarrassing red carpet moments for me, now that I have these nifty armpit dividers!

Power dressing for superheroes stuck in mid-level positions

2007-04-18T22:29:00.000-07:00

Guards, get that mangy germ-ridden bag out of my sight!

2007-04-17T23:09:00.000-07:00

I could say the same thing about you.

Climate change means we can wear bikinis all the time!

2007-04-16T08:32:00.001-07:00

Wave harder girls, I heard that wave energy is going to be the most popular source of clean energy in the future. Being popular is important!

This thing feels like an oven..oh wait it probably is

2007-04-14T22:29:00.000-07:00

There are no age limits in competitive arm wrestling

2007-04-12T22:31:00.000-07:00

Damn, bested again by Nancy's iron grip! What a waste of time and money that Bicep Boot Camp was.

I didn't get back to the chateau until noon today

2007-04-11T23:03:00.000-07:00

Milord, that was one hell of a bachelor party you threw last night.

Don't worry we'll get them enlarged at the lab

2007-04-10T22:46:00.000-07:00

But first let's get this shot while the light is still good and your boobs are still perky.

Clothes I don't air out as often I should

2007-04-04T22:14:00.000-07:00

Next update: Tuesday April 10

Weekend at Heffie's

2007-04-03T22:20:00.000-07:00

You can have the blonde when you pry it from my cold dead hands.

I should have asked some questions first

2007-04-02T22:07:00.000-07:00

But when they asked me if I wanted to be in a James Bond movie, of course I jumped at the chance.

Fee Fi Fo Fum

2007-03-30T23:24:00.000-07:00

The giantess was not amused to find that Jack had made off with the golden hen and her collection of fabulous high heels.

There's always a non-conformist in the room

2007-03-29T22:29:00.000-07:00

Did you not get the memo about covered legs? Now you're going to make us look silly in front of everybody.

It's the decent thing to do

2007-03-28T22:45:00.000-07:00

Call me old-fashioned but I always wear a bra when I'm on the red carpet.

The assembly instructions were written in Swedish

2007-03-27T22:06:00.000-07:00